Date read: 2022-11-26

How strongly I recommend it: 10/10

Go to the Amazon page for details.

If you want to enhance your inter personal skills I highly suggest reading this book. I came across this book when my college provided this to us as fresher, like usual self absorbed teen I kept it aside thinking- the world revolves around me, that its all about me!  until pandemic hit which gave me time and space to analyse things from different perspective, later I bought this gem, reading first few pages hit me, how alter I have been living.

MY NOTES & HIGHLIGHTS

Highlights-

1. Giving people a fine reputation to live upto.
2. Appeal to nobler motives- honesty, fairness, doing good.
3. Be genuinly interested and curious.
4. Don't resist, agree.
5. Get to the topic where one has most interest.
6. If we want to be important to others, we must make them feel important.
7. If you want people to like you , get them talk about themselves.
8. Stop giving orders, start asking questions.
9. Appreciation and encouragement.

1.  Arguments

1. Don't point anyone wrong. Always avoid the acute angle.
2. If you agrue and contradict, you won't have opponent's good will.

An agrument- if someone says x is good. (Agree- sure it is! ). Agree then put good point of your choice y.

3. If you want to contradict, make it appear like- in certain cases or circumstances his opinion would be right but in present case there seem  some difference.

4. If someone is- cold, arrogant, stubborn- they want feeling of importance, put youself in their shoes and give honest appreciation.

When one yells, the other should listen -> feeling of importance by being herd.

2. Avoid making enemies

Use a little diplomacy.

1. Never tell other person, they are wrong.
2. If someone is angry- agree to them, let them release, talk their hurt out.
3. when people are wrong they admit to themself, if handled gently, tactfully- they'll admit to others and even take pride in their frankness.
4. If someone says you're wrong- ask where they feel the problems are. Ask their opinion, give your suggestions on low key.
5. Even if particular thing happens to be your strong suit.  Ask their point of view. Don't interrupt or emphasise they are wrong, later explain your point.

judge people by their own principles, not by your own.

3. If you're wrong, admit it

1. If you're wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically and be willing to correct it.

bored with life- then throw yourself into some work you believe in with all your heart, live for it, die for it and you'll find happiness.

4. A drop of honey

for better or worse, you must play your instrument in the orchestra of life.

1. Begin friendly, positive (A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall)
2. Find the qualities of people beforehand, praise them, show interest, ask genuine questions.
3. Be hearty and lavish in your praise.
4. Convince people you're a sincere friend. (Always see everyone as a soul on a long journey of reincarnation. Know that you're meeting them because you have met before).

5.  Secret of Socrates

1. Get the other person agree with you immedietly- get numbers of "yes", see them from their perspective.
2. Don't begin by discussing things you differ, keep on emphansing on things you agree. Emphasise you both are striving for the same end.

He who trades softly, goes far.

6. Handling Complaints

1. Let the other person do the talking. It pays more.
2. Don't try to win others to your way of thinking. People won't pay attention to you while they have a lot of their own crying to finish. Encourrage them to express fully.
3. Ask them to share their joys, speak only when you're asked.

If you want enemies, excel your friends, if you want friends, let them excel you.

7. Get Cooperation

1. Let other person have the ownership of idea.
2. We have more faith in the ideas we discover ourselves than ideas given to us on platter. Don't push your opinion down anyone's throat. Make suggestions let person think about the conclusion.
3. Consult people about their deisre and wishes, it's the shot people need.
4. Do not sell or tell people, ASK them their thoughts/wishes/wants on the topic. let people act on their ideas, which they'll tend to stick more to.
5. Ask people what they want, how they want- give that to them. Not your own cooked dish.

6. example- a) ask people what they expect from you, write it down . Tell you'll give that to them.

b) Ask what is it you should expect from them? Let them tell themselves. Result- as long as you'll live upto your part, they'll be determined on theirs.

c) when a painter sells his own imaginary its less likely to sold than him asking buyer his ideas of design.

River and seas receive homage of a 100 mountain streams because they keep below them. If you wish to be before them put yourself behind them.

Do the hard job first, easy jobs will take care of themselves.

8. Magic Formula

1. when someone is 360 irritating to you- honestly try to see things from their perspective. Begin friendly, before suggesting ask yourself- why he/she would want to do it.
2. Give kindness for an insult. Turn negativity of people towards you into friendliness.

9. What everybody wants

1. If you want to win people your way of thinking, practice- sympatising other person's ideas and desires.
2. Seeking Approval- tell the benefits of other person. put yourslef in their shoes, think for them.
3. If you want to change people- give compliment to them on that, then give suggestion. if changed praise them.

10. Dramatise your ideas

1. Dramatise your Idea. Showmanship (the ability to entertain people and get attention)

11.  Challange generates excitement

1. Every person loves: the game, chance for self expression. The chance to prove worth, to excel, to win. The desire of feeling of importance.

fear doesn't exist anywhere, except mind.

12.  How to Win Good Will of Others

1. Be genuinely interested in people (most important quality). Stop thinking & talking about yourslef.
2. Be interested in people, their likes and their problems. (IT PAYS MORE)
3. Be grateful. Do things for other people (King, worker in factory- all of us like people who admire us)
4. When someone calls you or you meet, use same psychology- say "hello" in tones that speaks how pleased you are to have the person.

"Nobody thinks about you. Not even for a min. Everyone is thinking about them at any given time. So stop worrying about how you appear."

13. Good First Impression

1. Preserve high vibrations, courage, frankness and good cheer.
2. Always keep smile on your face.

14. A person name is most sweetest to him/her

1. Secret of leadership- Remember and honour the names of people.

Andrew Carneige built huge steel industry but called it "Edgar thoson steel work" also built another company and gave it partner's name- "Pullman palace car company.

2. From waiter to senior executive, the name will work magic as we deal with people.

15. Be a good listner

1. When someone is talking pay exclusive attention to that person. Take interest ask questions, encourage them to talk.
2. Speak less, listen more. You want to make thing happen- dont talk about your agenda -listen, absorb.
3. Eyes friendly, cheerful. Voice low and kind. Minimal gesture. Attension. Appreciation to whatever they say.
4. To be interesting, be interested. Ask question, they'll enjoy to answer. Encourage them to talk about their acomplishments.
5. Remember people are more interested in them than you.

16. How to Interest people

1. Talk in relation to other person interest.
2. Talk about things they treasure most. Find what catches their interest and enthusiasm. If you can, tell how you'll benefit to their interest.
3. Ask about thier life incidents, events, experiences.

17. How to make yourself likely

1. Make people feel important- Have faith in them,SEE what you can truly admire, show faith by giving responsibility.  

2. Heartful appreciation- If you admire someone, follow them, their work. Document you thoughts. Let them know.

Use phrases- Im sorry to trouble you, Would you be so kind as to, Won't you please, Would you mind, Thank you.

Everyone's deep desire is to feel important.

Most famous people in world, crave recognition even as you and I.

People are proud of smallest thing which they do on thier own.

18. If you must find fault

1. Begin with praise/compliment. It's always easier to listen unpleasent things after hearing praise/good points.
2. PRAISE people ADMIRE them, their work, it makes moment enjoyable for the other. Then get to the point.
3. Let the other person save face.

19. Correct people

1. Call attention to people's mistake indirectly. Give them a reputation to live upto. Convey opposite of criticism and tell how it'll benefit to them.
2. Talk about you own mistake if required.

20. No one likes to take order

1. Approach with questions instead of giving orders.

Explain situation, tell importance. use- is there anyting we can do to resolve this? can anyone think of different ways? ..

Approach with we can attitude,

21. Encourage- Praise every improvement.

22. Give other person a reputation / responsibility to live upto and they will make efforts.

23. Make fault seen easy to correct, praise.

24. Make people glad to do what you want-

1. tell them their benefits and that you are glad. (about the thing you want them to do)

25. Think before you criticize

1. People don't blame themselve for their chosen act. why would you and ? They have thier perception, justification for their act.
2. We would also do the the same, if were in there situation and cicumstances.
3. Don't condemn, complain or criticize.

Malice towards none, charity for all.

Speak ill of no man, speak the good you know. For everyone.

A man is great in how he treats little men.

26. Best of all

1. Ability to deal with people- Arouse enthusiasm in people by appreciation and encouragement.

Be anxious to praise and loath to find fault.

2. In bad moments- talk what's good, don't think or talk bad.

Every man I meet is my superior in some way, In that I learn from him.

3. Find good in people, treasure them and repeat them over, repeat them year after you have forgotten them.

4. Always keep the good of people

27. If you want to persuade someone

1. People are interested in themselves and thier need. Think how you can help them with that.
2. Give people what they want- child- money, sweet, thier benefits of it. Manager- solution, Eleder- appreciation, calls.

3. No one is interested in how great you are, people care what's in it for them.

4. Be excited to solve people's problem. Approach as WE not i.

5. Let the other person feel bigger, let them think they have done it, let then slef-express.

If you want to conquer fear, don't sit at home and think about it. Go out and get busy.